A recipe for disaster

My family has a longstanding recipe-sharing joke. And it usually ends in failure.

It all began at Mum’s sporting club.  With an endless supply of sponges, casseroles, soups, lamingtons, pavlovas and yo-yo’s, recipe sharing is rife in this small local community of women.

It is not unusual to enter the club and hear: “That slice is delicious.  I must have the recipe”.  Or, more so: “I love your pav.  Still waiting on the recipe though.”  Or: “What’s that?  You’ve sent me the recipe?  Nope, I didn’t receive it.  So here’s my email address.  AGAIN.”

You see, these gorgeous ladies love a good tasty spread.  As we all do.  Right?

But there’s an undercurrent to all of this which is due to the ‘Baking Chain’.  The Baking Chain is kinda like the Food Chain.  But more dangerous.

In the Baking Chain, there are a number of women, competing for baking survival.  In fact, almost every one of them is pushing for their own baking glory.  And there is always a winner, my friends.  There is always “Mrs I Can Turn Dog Poo Into a Culinary Delight.”  Otherwise known as the Bitch Baking Goddess.

Every week, women in the Baking Chain offer up a delicious feast, having spent hours of blood, sweat and tears in the kitchen, whipped it up in no time.

All for what, you may ask?  To achieve baking greatness.  Of course. To be placed on the cooking pedestal.  Queen of the Baking Chain. To be known for their dish.

It then goes without saying that while recipe sharing is commonplace, there is fierce and ruthless competition in this quest for the holy grail.

Which leads us to the oldest trick in the recipe sharing book.  It’s this:

Share your recipe gladly girls.  With a sneaky proviso.  Be the smiling assassin.  Give the recipe, BUT NOT the full recipe.

It is vital that you miss a key ingredient.  Fiddle with quantities.  Delete the clincher ingredient.  Overstate the cooking time.  Whatever.  Just do not give an even playing field.  It’s too risky.  You CANNOT have anyone cook your dish better than you do.  NUH AH.  NO WAY.

They need to fail.  So they’ll never attempt it again.  And you will remain the master of your dish.  Maybe even rise to become the Baking Goddess of your club.

I know this from experience.  My sister does this to me all the time.  I’ve baked a delicious Apple Ginger Cake – which only tasted of ginger – due to the 5 tablespoons of ginger I was told to add, instead of 1 teaspoon.  I’ve baked pork spare ribs in a thick gluggy sauce – due to being told to add 4 cups of flour, when no flour was necessary.

What can I say, I am a sucker with these things.  I know.  4 cups of flour is A LOT. I am just way too literal and measured in my cooking (And I usually drink…when cooking).  But that’s the way I roll.  And sisters will take advantage of that.

So there it is.  The secret is out.  Beware of the shared recipe.  It is not shared out of kindness.  Nor generosity.  It is only a step for someone else to climb the Baking Chain, and mush your baking status into the ground. With a mortar.  And pestle.

If you want a recipe, or need to check on a recipe that was so kindly shared with you, do what I usually do.  Google it.

Enjoy the Pork Spareribs recipe peeps.  It’s a cracker.  Honest.  It’ll be a huge success for you.  Haha.

Amy x

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One thought on “A recipe for disaster

  1. There is a very popular tv show here right now called The Great British Bakeoff. Do you have one similar?? Lots of amateur bakers face challenges and compete against each other and I thoroughly enjoy watching their trials and disasters. In one of the rounds they are given a recipe to make… But not the whole recipe. Sound familiar?

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